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Past Practical Parenting Tips

Practical Parenting Tip... How to Start a New Family Tradition...

Here it is, another Holiday season about to be over with. Think about what you loved about holidays past, as well as things you would like to leave in the past.

When we have families of our own, we are faced with a marvelous gift in so many ways. One of the things we can and should think about is how to make our family unique with memories and traditions which are as unique as we are.

We have a wonderful opportunity to create the family we want. With that you must have a vision.

So, what are some of the steps we can take to make that happen?:

1. Talk to your partner about what tradtitions worked in their family, and share the ones that you enjoyed growing up. Also talk about the ones which you did not enjoy and how they made you feel.

2. Brainstorm about ideas of traditions that you may have wanted to have in the past and how to make that happen in your new family.

3. Be respectful of each others past and feelings. Explore compromises and seek out information about some new and creative things to bring to your holidays.

4. Do what feels comfortable for you. Let go of others perceptions of the perfect holiday celebration.

5. Enjoy the freedom to let go of traditions that did not make you happy and create new ones that represent your family model.

Above all, take the time to appreciate what your are creating and what you have. Love one another as best as you can, after all, isn't love and acceptance what the holidays are really all about anyway...

Practical Parenting Tip... How to Work Through Separation and Separation Anxiety, (yours and your child's)

An interesting thing happened while I was researching today’s topic, it seems that according to literature, moms don’t get separation anxiety. Sure they do if they are returning to work, that seems like a natural, but it simply doesn’t happen if you just think about leaving your child off at school for the first time, or even going to the market for the first time.

Well, let’s see, I know I sure did. I did not even think about leaving my child with my mother in law, let alone a sitter, or at nursery school, for a while. It is hard to determine what is right for you; it depends upon how you feel about leaving.

There is a psychological basis for separation anxiety, and many different theories. Now what is it really? Well, first of all, it is true, that a baby is so attached to you that it cannot differentiate. It is used to hearing you, seeing you smelling you. Separation anxiety occurs several times through infancy. It can be frustrating. It usually does start about 6 months, and you can usually count on it to occur every three months. I have found in my experience that when a baby learns a new skill, there may be separation anxiety. Think about it, it make sense, if your baby learns to sit, then you may not be holding it as much and they realize they are able to do something on their own, well, that can be scary. This continues on until the child realizes that they are indeed separate, it intensifies at about 2 when there is full realization that they are separate.

Then comes different separations, school being the major one.

What to do about it.

This is a hard one. Eventually you need to leave them. Some tips which may help. Make sure they know the caregiver or is somewhat familiar with the new school or environment.. Have them meet the teachers, sitter whomever, before leaving them.. Let your child know you feel good about this caregiver. Children pick up anxiety from you, they look to you for cues on how to feel.

Always, and I mean always say goodbye. How many times have you been told, just leave, he’s fine? As much as people want to help you, this is an important one. Imagine how you would feel if all of a sudden you needed someone and they were not there and you had no idea where they went or when. Now, it is a child who thinks you may just disappear,and finds that you really did. That would do a lot more damage then if you were to say good bye, and left, even if you have to peel the your child off of you. Which you probably have to do anyway.

Don’t come back to check, it will just start the scene all over again. Trust that your caregiver or teacher will know what to do. Most children will stop crying after a short time. Your child needs to know that other people, including daddy, can take care of his needs.

A good way to start is to ease into separating. I have actually told moms to sit in the car for 10-15 minutes while the child was in someone’s care. Go fora walk.

Make sure your child is comfortable.

Now, you know your child will be fine, but will you? No one ever told you that you would have separation anxiety. Yes, how many of you have felt guilty about leaving or even thinking about leaving your baby to go somewhere, do something, breathe, take a shower. Think you will miss something? How many of us are planning to go back to work? Mommy separpartion anxiety is real. However, recognizing it is usually enough. It is important for you to feel that you have someone to count on, and today it is difficulty with family spread far apart. Cultivate playgroups, friends, count on your spouse. A lot of people feel good with family watching the baby which isgreat if you have that.

Ease yourself into being alone when your child is in school for the first time. Make a plan to see someone if you think you may be lonely. Allow yourself to feel that your baby is growing up. It is a big transition, be positive for your child, keep the tears away from them as they walk into the big kid school. Let then feel happy, ask them about their day, let them know what to expect in school, this will ease their anxiety, and help you too!

The most important thing in my mind is to feel that the child will be fine, know who you are leaving the baby with, and breathe..

Practical Parenting Tip...How to Know if your child is ready for Kindergarten

Hard to believe your little one will be starting Kindergarten sooner than you can imagine.

What do you think Kindergarten is like now? What does the day look like, why are there no naps anymore?

Basically your child is ready for Kindergarten if:

1. they can follow directions

2. can get along with others

3. show an interest in new experiences

4. enjoys books and being read to

5. is curious

5. can hold a pencil

6.is independent to a degree, put on their coat, use the bathroom, etc.

If you have doubts, discuss them with your preschool teacher. Teachers have a different view of your child and are more aware of their behavior in the classroom setting. Also,ask others who know your child well.

There is a trend to holding late birthdays back, especially with boys. Sometimes the maturity level is not there, which may hinder their success. Again, the preschool teacher is helpful making this determination.

In either case, register your child, you can always decide what to do over the summer. A lot can change from now until September.

There are ways to ready your child, Read daily, cut out shapes, use money as a learning tool. Discuss rules in the household and the importance of following them.

Your child will participate may take or may have already taken a developmental indicator assessment. You may be amazed at how capable your child is in this situation. You can try to schedule it with a friend so they don’t feel so isolated. There are a series of stations the kids go through, separately, it evaluates different skills. Cutting, colors, spatial relations, letter sounds, nothing to get worried about.

I think the major worry is yours, they are usually ready for the next step.

Thinking ahead:

Kindergarten is the new first grade. I am sure you have all heard that before, it is true. It is no longer a continuation of preschool. They are expected to learn to read by the end of the year, basic math skills are explored. They may or may not get homework, and reading to do at home. This work is usually easy, it is really to get them used to doing work at home, and to reinforce the classroom learning. It is a great time to set up healthy work habits. Have a central location, easy to get to supplies and try to determine the best time for your child to get it done.

First day of school:

Don’t talk about it a lot. Before the day, set up a date to discuss the first day, who will be in the class (if you know), what you will do. Many schools have an opportunity for you and your child to visit the school and the classroom and meet the teacher before the day.

Get to know the teacher, (studies show that the involvement of the father is one of the most important factors in a child doing well in school, especially boys) .

Do not cry in front of your child, be happy, be positive, keep the tissues in your pocket!

After the day, make it special, and set aside real time to review the day. Ask specific questions, try to make them open ended, who did you sit with during recess, what do you do during recess? What was the story about? What do you do first thing in the morning? Who do you sit next to?

Kindergarten is really the foundation for your child, the main goal is to get your child excited for learning. If they see you are excited then chances are they will get excited too!!

Practical Parenting Tip... How to Toilet Teach..

Here it goes:

A child is ready to use the toilet when he can make a mind body connection. This connection usually happens at about 27months. Look for signs of readiness. A child may hide when going, point and say something, they may remain dry for a few hours at a time, look for signs and ackowledge what he is doing.

If you wait until your child is a little older, the process may go faster, because they know what is expected.

For some kids rewards work, others just need praise. Take you child's lead or you can decide when the time is right for your child and your family. It is also better to wait for the warmer months to start, less clothes to worry about. It is a good time to start the summer nearest.to their third birthday.

Decide what type of potty you want to use, buy it and put it out for your child to get familiar with it. Talk to your child about what you expect. Let them sit on the potty with their clothes on first. Then before their bath, without clothes on. Read books to them about using the potty. If they are resistent, let it go for a while, then go back, calmly and matter of factly. If they have an accident, stay calm and let them know next timne they will do better, not that they will try to do better, let them know they can do it.

Use correct terminology, don't confuse your child with euphemisms. Let them know they are going to try to pee on the potty, or whatever term you chose, if you just say "let's go to the bathroom", they may just think they are joining you on a trip to the bathroom.

Make the commitment. You need to be committed to the process. If there are going to be any changes taking place, wait until things are more settled. We are in and out of cars, which sometimes make us reluctant to start. Try to plan a few days with little distraction. Let your child be naked, or put training pants on them. Talk about how much cleaner they will feel.

Don't be surprised if they use the toilet successfully for a while then decide to stop. They don't know it is a forever thing. They may just think it is something you want them to learn and do, and that is the end of it. They need to understand that this is what we do instead of diapers. If your child wants to get BIG KID underpants, go to the store as soon as you can and give them a choice. There are many things our young children do not have control of, using the toilet and voiding their bodies is one thing they can control,. Try not to get into a power struggle, you certainly don't want your child to withhold voiding his body.If your child realizes he can control it, and in a way you too, by seeing your reaction to him, he may start to hold it in, which can cause difficulties in voiding.

Normalize using the toilet, let them know everyone uses the toilet before bed, leaving the house, before bath, after eating, whenever you want them to use it. Let them see you go, and if you have a boy, dad can help when it is time to learn to stand and go.

Just think, soon you will discover all the hidden bathrooms you never knew existed...like the one in the supernmarket, drug store, bagel shop, gas station...

Practical Parenting Tip...How to have fun in the winter

Know yourself, know your child:or you the indoor type or got to go

Crafts galore, or train lady or child?
Easy is good: Anything that you find fun your child will to, don’t pressure yourself.
Crafts, Playdough, coloring, painting, finger paints, water table, hide and seek
Exercise together, baking, cooking
Physical kid: be creative, set up obstacle course, put pillows on the floor, build a tent and camp out, magic carpet ride
Boys and cars, trains, planes. Girls and babies, there is a difference. Figure out which one you like to do, if trains get you crazy, think about rolling a truck back and forth, some boys can be amused for hours.

Most importantly enjoy yourself and your child, not everything has to have an “educational” slant, your child is learning all the time, and so are you.

Think about your interests as well. If trains aren't your thing, try rolling a truck back and forth, set up a raceway with small cars. You may be surprised at how long you can amuse yourself and your child.

When you have got to get out:

Check out neighborhood newspapers, listings and magazines. Most areas have some type of parenting magazine available at no cost. Find the calendar and see what looks good. Get your library's calendar and sign up or show up for whatever works. Most programs are free of charge and you can easily spend an afternoon there. Same with bookstores, most offer a story time.

Most important, enjoy yourself and your children. Not every activity has to be "educational". You and your child are learning all the time.

Practical Parenting Tip...Putting Gratitude in our Children's Attitude

In order for our children to learn gratitude, they must live with gratitude.

Teaching a child to be gracious and thankful is a big responsibility, but the responsibility is ours alone.

Children learn what they live and we are their most important role models. Live by the Golden Rule and let them know why we do the things the way we do. We can teach them to say thank you, but in order for them to understand society's niceties, it is important for us to teach them and show them gratitude in our everyday lives.

Before a child can be thankful, they must learn empathy, and to do that they need to feel loved and cared for. We need to be thankful for them everyday, and let them know we are. "Catch them being good" and thank them for the specific behavior. For example, when they share their toys without being asked, let them know how special it is to be so giving of their toys. Instead of "good job", you might say "that was so nice of you to share your toy, that is such a kind thing to do".

It is important to know that it is not developmentally appropriate for a 3 or 4 year old to understand gratitude, the world revolves around them, and everything that goes on is somehow connected to them.

However, that said, teaching your child to say thank you is necessary, and it will be necessary to remind them when to say it and how. They need to learn social etiquette, but when they shy away from it that is OK. They will learn with gentle prompting and consistency. After a while it truly becomes an automatic and heartfelt response. And when it happens we should let our child know how grateful we are.

Establish family rituals that promote gratitude, ask each other what the best part of the day was for each member of the family. What good happened today that we can all be thankful for?

Practical Parenting Tip ...How to...Help with Sleep Issues

Ah, the elusive sleep issue. What does sleeping like a baby really mean?
There are so many variables to "sleep" and what constitutes sleep issues; it is an insurmountable task to cover all of them.

Basically, if everyone is getting enough rest and is happy with the routine or sleep habits that have evolved or are evolving in the family, there may be no issue. However, if the routine does not seem to be working, then you need to try alternatives. Unfortunately, the amount of alternatives and which alternatives to try can be endless. One thing to remember and try is to always put your child down to sleep when they are drowsy, try not to let them fall asleep in your arms, or rock them or hold them until they are asleep.

For any child, make sure you keep to a routine. Kids thrive on predictability, so, if your routine is dinner, play time, bath, story (or two), song, then lights out, keep to it. Let them know their day is done. It can be comforting to know that you are safe to rest.

Be creative, try not to take the good fortune of those whose children sleep for two hours during the day and then happily go down for another ten hours at night to heart.

Ask others what worked for them. Try things out, remember you should be comfortable doing whatever it might be, because you may be doing it for a long time. Consistency is key.

You can also contact me to discuss specific issues to see if we can come up with some ideas specific to your needs.

Practical Parenting Tip ...Putting Gratitude in Our Attitude

Dealing with family issues during the holidays is one of the most discussed topics around this time of year..

If we think about what are some of the most stressful issues we face during the holidays , we usually think about family relationships and discourse.

How can we turn that around and be grateful for what we have?

We often try to do it all we seek the “perfect holiday”, yet when we do stress accompanies us.

Stress can take many forms:

emotional stress which can include coping with family tensions

financial stress, especially this year and always if you are living on a fixed income

physical stress – trying to do too much and not taking into account our physical limitations add to that overindulging and ignoring our physical needs…too much shopping cooking feasting

How to stay calm around the craziness

ASK your friends if there are any ways that work for them when dealing with family issues and can they share them ?

There are ways to work with family issues if you think ahead. Try to think and recognize family and behavior patterns which are recurring. Chances are they will occur again, but this time you can be prepared.

You can try to think positive, that this time will be different and hope that it will be, but chances are they will repeat the past..…So you can make the difference in yourself,

Try these 4 steps to tranquility.

Relax your mind and body, tense and relax muscle groups, deep breathing exercises, imagine your favorite place and put yourself there in your mind.
My favorite, I am big on lists. Make a list of your hopes and fears, then write down next to the list your past experiences.

Knowing what has happened gives us a reality check

Choose one of those fears. Visualize what happened in the past practice the relaxation technique stay calm. Think about how you are feeling. When whatever you have imagined happens, tap into that calmness
When it happens, whatever it is, disengage…these are adults- you may react to the situation differently because you will be prepared for it

Simplify, do what is important to you, and skip some others things, look for shortcuts and ask for help. You may be surprised at how much others are willing to help and contribute to make everyone's holiday special.